i don't know.

7:00 AM


Heyo. No post image today or anything, because...well, because. I'm sitting here getting ready to type out all this post and hopefully figure out what's going on in my brain and I don't know how it's going to go, so stick with me. (or don't. it's your life.)

i am andy always.
So, I don't know

I use that phrase a lot. For a lot of things. It really applies here. 

"What don't you know, Aimee?" 

*gestures vaguely* 

Let's start with blog stuff, maybe. 

I missed most of March. I know I missed most of March. I don't know why, if we're being real; I don't necessarily have an excuse, or a reason. I was on track with everything else I was doing. I got plenty of other things done. I didn't forget. I thought about the blog all the time. I scheduled out time for myself to write posts, I put posts in my bullet journal like always, so there's pretty much no reason to have missed an entire month of posts, including a monthly wrapup. my brain is telling me now that I ruined the entire blogging year but I'm choosing to ignore my brain because it is notoriously untrustworthy. 

Call it a lack of motivation, or a lack of discipline, or not trying hard enough or having too many things going on and not making it a priority, and it's probably a little bit of all of those, because brains are complex, y'all. But more than anything...every time I sit down to write a post, I'm stuck. 

Really, really stuck. 

I have ideas for posts, maybe. I'm able to sit down and think "that could be a cool/funny/controversial/thoughtful/emotional post", but when I try to write the words it all falls flat. I've even written a few blog posts, but I read them over again and found that I just couldn't let them post. 

They felt fake. They didn't feel like me. They felt forced, and weird, and wrong. And I'm not going to give you guys that just for the sake of posting. That's not what I want to do. Especially as I'm figuring out more and more what's clicking for me in other areas.

This blog started my whole internet presence, pretty much. I started writing posts, people started reading them, I started reading other blogs, I got a Twitter because other bloggers had them, and now I'm siting here with a decent handful of followers (all of whom I love, by the way; you guys rock) I learned how to throw six billion gifs into one post. I did tags and link-ups and guest posts and it felt right, great, it fit together, it was fun. And it was me. 

I'm not feeling any of that any more. Which is weird, because a lot of other creative things I'm doing have been killing it, and I'm happy with them. So I don't know if I'm bored, or not trying hard enough, or what. But everything I try to do here just feels fake. 

And I don't know what to do about that, or how to fix it. 

So: no cover image today. No gifs. (Okay. One gif. I used one gif. I tried.) No question at the end to spark discussion. 

Just...me not knowing, and talking about knowing. Whatever that's worth.


- Aimee

10 comments

  1. Your very last sentence was "Whatever that's worth." I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks so, but heck ya, it's worth a lot. I understand that sometimes you just need a break from blogging. Maybe that's all you need: a really long break so you can gather your thoughts. Maybe that's not what you need and I'm totally wrong. Whatever the case, I'm really proud that you took the time to be vulnerable and honest with your readers because that shows something about who you are as a human being. And it's something I like to see in other people. So kudos to you for being honest and I'll be praying that you can figure out the things. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, you know, late high school is a time when everyone's figuring out what they want to do, what God's will for them is, and what they're passionate about. I'm so glad your other projects are doing well, and if your life is going in a different direction and you feel a need to take a long break from blogging (or even stop altogether) that's fine. I'm so glad you took the time to honestly tell us how you're feeling about this. Keeping you in my prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  3. (I know you didn't ask for advice. I'm not very good at advice. But I have it. So...) I find that when I am not sure about something or things are just not working with my brain, if I give myself space (with no expectations. It's one thing to just not do something, but it's another to step back and say "I need a break from this."), I can come back and either be a genius and write all the things or decide that I need a longer break. Like I said, you didn't ask for advice, so it's cool if you're like "Um, okay, bye." XD

    ReplyDelete
  4. I went through the same feelings last year. I felt pressure to keep up with all of the hard work and time I'd invested on my blog, but for some reason I just couldn't get myself to feel good about what I was doing anymore. I tried to get back up, but it was hard trying to feel passionate again about something I realized was ultimately going to end, anyways, because of college/mission/life. But I was worried that if I did stop blogging without some sort of "real" reason then people would be disappointed in me for not pushing through it and meeting my goals. In the end I did decide to stop blogging, which was hard, but it was what I needed. I'm not telling you to quit! :P Not at all, if that's what you want to do. All I'm sayin' is that you do what works for you, and we'll respect that. Life changes, and people can change, too, without ever really realizing it, and sometimes the things that worked for us before aren't the same things that work for us now.
    ANYWAYS. That's just a few things I would have appreciated someone telling me when I was going through that rough stuff XD. You just do you. Good luck with everything!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aw, I'm sorry you're feeling this way! It could just be a blogging slump? Obviously you shouldn't blog if you don't want to at all, but I often find blogging through a slump actually just helps. Or starting a new style of post or something that makes me excited. I doubt any of us will think what you write is fake though. *sends cake* Take care of yourself!! Maybe take a hiatus? (I hope you'll come back tho. <3)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love you Aimee. I think I mention every blog post that I love your honesty, but I do.
    dont be discouraged. actually, BE discouraged. but dont STAY discouraged. we all go through seasons where we are stuck and just dont know. Im in that season too. Im just like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    and thats okay.

    it'll pass. it always does.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Okay, posting less actually helps me keep up BIG time. I simply can't remember to check my email, and when you subscribe to so many blogs and they all post AT LEAST once a week, those pile up and there's like a hundred and it takes weeks to catch up. Though this is one I really look forward to getting, so feel free to slow down and give your brain room to breathe, but please don't quit!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Taking breaks from things is fine and often the best idea. I feel the same way about blogging sometimes, it's really hard to come up with new worthwhile content. But hey, if you're happy doing all your other tasks and getting loads of them done, who cares how often you're keeping up a blog? After all, you're a person and a writer before a blogger. And you're great at all of those things, but there's no shame in taking time from an area when you aren't really feeling it. I would say don't stress, just let your creativity in other areas thrive while it thrives!

    ReplyDelete
  9. you do you. I admire you for that.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am in this exact same place right now. And I can't figure out why. But I just don't feel like myself when it comes to blogging. Life in general everywhere else is going great- I'm making more progress on my novel than I have in months, I've been hanging out with friends and making plans and being productive and loving life. But everything that I try to do blog-wise just feels so artificial. I don't know. It's good to know I'm not the only one in this slump, haha.

    ReplyDelete

hey. hey. talk to me. i'm a fan of comments and flailing with you. go for it.