you can't be a writer unless you...7:00 AM
The definitive checklist.
Look. This may be a world of creativity and artistic expression...but let's be real, there's a certain way to do things. And if you're a writer, you're
if you're a writer, you:
drink too much coffee. Everyone knows this. Tea is also acceptable and slightly more hipster, so you get points for that.
Basically, it comes down to this: how much caffeine can you pack into your body at once? Are you really a writer if you don't have cute mugs filled with steaming liquid every time you sit down? How would you survive otherwise?
What are you doing if you're not discussing your need for tea or coffee on Twitter?
don't get enough sleep. SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK AND THOSE WITH A ~NORMAL LIFE~. The only time writing ever properly happens is past midnight. If you feel the need to go to sleep earlier than that do you even know what you're doing?
are an introvert. because duh. There's no being a writer if you get your energy from people. Writers don't go inside, they huddle in their sweatshirts and type words all day. Extroverted writers who like loudness and are fond of getting out of the writing cave and going to parties and like talking about their stories to people in real life who will listen and not be jerks about it aren't a thing. They're like unicorns. Or dragons, because you wouldn't want them to be real, that would just be intimidating.The hat is because I haven't washed my hair for a week. I've been too busy being inspired.— Guy In Your MFA (@GuyInYourMFA) December 31, 2016
Writer = introvert = hermit.
speaking of which...
have a blog. bloggers write and writers blog. Everyone knows this. You have a blog, and you update that blog regularly, and it has a pretty font and you use lots of gifs and share snippets of your writing because you're #legit. (this is a self-callout. I have no regrets.)
write quickly. If you're not writing fifty thousand words a month, what's the point?
write slowly. if you're not making sure you're writing quality stuff, what's the point?
are #weird and original. being a writer makes you, y'know, an upper-class citizen.
procrastinate. THERE IS NO ROOM FOR MOTIVATION HERE.
talk to yourself. in public.
binge-watch shows instead of writing. we all do it.
do nanowrimo. obviously.
do camp nanowrimo. #truenanoer
have some kind of childhood trauma. normal-ness kills art.
What is normal-ness? Normal people? Ew. (this is out of the sarcastic nature of the post, but i've said it before and i'll say it again: if your idea of 'normal' or 'ordinary' is a john green protagonist, maybe we've got problems.)
are cooler than everyone else. the fact that you're creative and write words makes you smarter and cooler than those average people over there. their lives must be so boring.
|all i'm saying is if you start sounding like moriarty you should probably rethink some things|
basically, if you're a writer...
you conform to one stereotype of what an artist should be and make that the ideal, the thing that makes you an artist, and if you don't fit into that stereotype or do these things you feel like less of a writer/creative person and start to get upset because you'll never be #artistic enough and maybe you're just a fake and everything you've ever done is lame.
Or, y'know, maybe you're just a person with your own personality and way of approaching a specific talent or lifestyle.
And maybe you're just a writer if you write words.
But that would be ridiculous.